how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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