okay pat passed out under dana's car
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
