I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
