PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
