I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
