When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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