I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
