John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize