How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When did angry sex become our thing?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
