Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
