i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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