threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
