do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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