We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
