he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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