My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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