She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
