I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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