You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
