wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
