i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
