He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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