This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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