Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
