I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
