I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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