dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
