Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
