I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
