don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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