when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just pee around me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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