That's intense
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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