I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
