call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
