the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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