You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
