My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
