I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
