Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
