My hand turned me down
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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