I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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