Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
