Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Of course I have a pirate flag
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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