Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
