Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
