Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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