Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
