i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
