i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
