dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
