I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
