Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My penis needs a shock collar
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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