he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
