dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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