If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
