Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
