So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
