at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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