He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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