I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
