I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
