I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
