Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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