I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
