Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
