please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
