Too much gin, very little bucket
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
