Screwed.edu
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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