lets start a swedish sibling band together
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
