im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
