He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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