you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
