Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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