I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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