Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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