I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
