We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
