I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
