Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
