I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
