At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
