apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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